Good News/Bad News

 

After Fred returned home from a day of duck hunting, his wife asked, "How did it go, honey?"

 

"We'll there's good news and there's bad news. The good news is, old Rover and I caught alot of ducks. The bad news is, he really hated it when I threw him up to catch'em!"

 

"The good news, " the former gambler told his friend, "is that nowadays I only place mental bets. The bad news is, I'm slowly losing my mind...."

 

"The good news, "said the cannibal to the preacher, "is that I love my fellow man. The bad news is, I mean with mustard."

 

"I have good news and bad news," the teacher told little Jimmy's parents. "The good news is that your son got an 'A' on his last exam."

"Really?" said the boy's father, heaving a sigh of relief. "And we were afraid he wasn't studying."

"What's the bad news?" Asked Jimmy's mother.

The bad news, "said the teacher, " is that he got the 'A' in the word Fail."

 

The Priest walked into the doctor's office. After studying the clergyman's report, the physician reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty-dollar bill.

"I have good news and bad news," the doctor said. " The good news is, I'm giving you this money for the weekly collection. The bad news is, you'll be able to give it to God personally."

 

Mrs. Jones returned home and found her baby crying hysterically.

"What happened?!" She asked the babysitter.

"Bad news and good news," the sitter replied. "The bad news is,he kept bitting me all night and didn't understand how much it hurt. The good news is," she said, smiling, "now he understands."

 

 

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